King of the Ditch

[Zelda_S_Kenneth]

Ok. Seeing as there was never any such game in the what-soon-will-be-not Messageboard Games (though there was a King of the Hill, I suppose this is similar), I decided to make this comical little one.

Rules:
There is a ditch. There is also a king of the ditch. Your goal is to de-throne that king, get him out of the ditch, and make yourself king until someone else does the same to you. Anyone can attack the king of the ditch. Except Kablizzy, he's a president of the ditch, and can still be attacked.

Restrictions:
1: There may only be one "true" ditch at any one time. Others may exist for tactical purposes, etc, but they are not that "one ditch everyone must conquer".
2: You may make an army of anything save ponies (Equus caballus). Armies have to consist of troops at least 21 years old and physically fit for battle The army cannot be invincible, but can only be killed by another army, and cannot come back to life.
3: No WMDs of any sort. Any moves can only affect ONE PLAYER OR ONE ARMY at any one time.
4: "Death" may occur in this game, and as such, if you are "killed", you need to figure out a reason why you are still alive, and still legible to take the ditch. Unless you are UNDEAD (dun dun dun...)
5: You can't "kill" a player unless he attacks your hill.
6: DEVIL WORSHIP/3
7: Have fun, and don't run out of luck.

Oh yeah, we have a mole king in the ditch.

[Evil_Sire]

I don't get it.

Is this like king of the hill? cos I didn't get that either.

Can you give me an explanation please?

[Pikman]

I make moth army.

[notsteve]

i fall in the ditch

[runningninja]

Bwahahaha! You fell in quicksand, not the ditch!
I find the real ditch, crap in it, then leave.
No one has the ditch.

[notsteve]

i fall in the real ditch, but a different part.

<_<

[runningninja]

I slide onto your head.

[notsteve]

*notsteve is still king*

[Universezero]

I create an army of zebras that have been painted pink and look exactly like ponies but they're not. They are zebras. Anyway, the zebras eat your limbs and throw you out of the ditch.

KotD

[notsteve]

wait, if i'm still IN the ditch, how are you king?

*logic*

[Universezero]

...zebras eat your limbs and throw you out of the ditch.

KotD!

[Torex]

6: DEVIL WORSHIP/3

Hmm…
I sacrifice a rabbit to summon the Woodland Critters! They use their Satanic powers to destroy you, and promptly begin to eat your flesh.

KotD

[Izzy]

A wild Chuck Norris appeared.

Yeah, I'm King now.

[Torex]

There can never be a Chuck Norris. There can only be the Chuck Norris. Your wild Chuck Norris disappears in a Poltergeist-like fashion and I stone you out of the ditch.

KotD

[Izzy]

I reenact the bloody scene in your avatar. King.

[notsteve]

this thread is totally a ripoff of my thread.
i call for a boycott!

p.s. King

[bluenin]

It was daylight when you woke up in your ditch. You looked up at your sky then. That made blue be your color. You had your knife there with you too. When you stood up there was goo all over your clothes. Your hands were sticky. You wiped them on your grass, so now your color was green. Oh Lord, why did everything always have to keep changing like this. You were already getting nervous again. Your head hurt and it rang when you stood up. Your head was almost empty. It always hurt you when you woke up like this.

You crawled up out of your ditch onto your gravel road and began to walk, waiting for the rest of your mind to come back to you. You can see the car parked far down the road and you walked toward it. "If God is our Father," you thought, "then Satan must be our cousin." Why didn't anyone else understand these important things? You got to your car and tried all the doors. They were locked. It was a red car and it was new. There was an expensive leather camera case laying on the seat. Out across your field, you could see two tiny people walking by your woods. You began to walk towards them. Now red was your color and, of course, those little people out there were yours too.

[runningninja]

Sorry to disturb the nice little story, mate, but I take over the ditch, with a bigass chainsaw.

[isaacx]

you trip, fly out of ditch, i am king

[remm]

Yes, but my cunning plan was the remote mine hidden at the bottom. I detonated it, blew isaacx out of the ditch, and took the now slightly deeper ditch for myself. and built a palisade wall in the ensuing confusion.

[Creampudding]

But you never thought the wall would fall on top of you, due to me kicking it down.
You're now trapped under the wall, and the ditch (now with a nice wooden platfor and is a little less deep) Is occupied by meeeeeewahahaha!

[Exüberance]

I fill the ditch with lava, and seeing as no one survived, I claim it for my own. I also double the taxes from 0% to 0%, and add a highway for convenience.

[Pikman]

Major lolz.

My moth army attacks Exüberance.

[Exüberance]

Exüberance runs around flailing his hands in the air as he is chased by an army of moths that have been set on fire due to an event which was SO TOTALLY not his doing.

[Peace Bear0]

Peace Bear0 gets out a firehose and sprays the moths with chocolate. He eats the c hocolate. He then builds a ginomous tower in the middle of the ditch and gets hot oil and dragons up there to pour on enemies (heating up the dragons so they liquefied was an adventure.. but that's another story.) Next, he fills in the rest of the ditch so that the only way to take the ditch is to climb Peace Bear0's tower. He waits.