King of the Ditch

http://nmaps.net/user/ · Postby **Zora_S_Kenneth** » 2008.10.02 (04:52)

*Record scratching*

Sorry to ruin the self-defense mechanism, but I remember leaving a drain pipe in that ditch. I normally used it for rainy days, but combustible oil mixed with liquefied dragon works just fine as well. So all I had to do was walk right to where the unfilled portion of the ditch was, and watch Peace Bear0's face melt in frustration as the liquids poured down the drains as well as melt the surrounding earth so that we had a proper ditch once more. From there it was a simple matter of broadcasting the correct resonant frequency of the tower to get it to fall over, with Peace Bear running away crying after he found that his post count was zero.

*Where was that army of moles I had? I could have just dug under the tower. Grrr.*

MKotMD

http://nmaps.net/user/exuberance · Postby **Exüberance** » 2008.10.02 (18:12)

I use an army of low-intelligence moles to dig under the tower. Due to their low intelligence, the ground can no longer support the tower which falls on them. Luckily, the tower comes crashing down. I claim the ruins. Good fixer-upper.

http://nmaps.net/user/UnknownKirbyMan · Postby **UnknownKirbyMan** » 2008.10.02 (23:34)

I do something that makes you fall off the ruins.
King.

http://nmaps.net/user/exuberance · Postby **Exüberance** » 2008.10.03 (02:48)

I counterattack you with an anti-vague torpedo.

http://nmaps.net/user/ · Postby **xeronix** » 2008.10.03 (03:20)

ode to Exübe: I made you divide by zero... Teleporting you to the æther...
KotD

http://nmaps.net/user/condog_111 · Postby **Condog** » 2008.10.03 (03:21)

runningninja wrote:Bwahahaha! You fell in quicksand, not the ditch!
I find the real ditch, crap in it, then leave.
No one has the ditch.

See, this is why we can't have nice things.

I channel lava from a nearby erupting volcano into the ditch, destroying everything in it. Then, after it has set, I excavate the ditch, removing all remnants of my fallen foes from it. Then, I paint the entire ditch pink, erect a S.E.P. field (Somebody Else's Problem field) in the ditch, thereby causing everyone to ignore it, as it is not their problem. I then relax in my newly built Impossible Fortress, an illogical construct that defies the laws of our world, where infernal geometries play havoc with reality, where beings from higher dimensions stalk intruders through the paradoxical labyrinths, whose material form of the Fortress warps at will, twisting and rending the bodies of mere men, destroying their minds utterly with the incomprehensibility of its existence, safe in the knowledge that I own the ditch, and can do with it what I will.

http://nmaps.net/user/ · Postby **xeronix** » 2008.10.03 (03:26)

Touché...

http://nmaps.net/user/UnknownKirbyMan · Postby **UnknownKirbyMan** » 2008.10.03 (05:17)

I come with a white flag of truce.
I ask if I can join you as second in command.
Can I join you?

http://nmaps.net/user/condog_111 · Postby **Condog** » 2008.10.03 (05:33)

UnknownKirbyMan wrote:I come with a white flag of truce.
I ask if I can join you as second in command.
Can I join you?

You can't see me. I'm not you're problem.

http://nmaps.net/user/ · Postby **xeronix** » 2008.10.03 (05:39)

Alas!! .. Building a time machine to ripe through the void of space and time, teleporting through parallel dimensions & voids of improbable existence to achieve true transcendence; to summon an army of void walkers to destruct that witch does not exist, (your impossible fortress) and deem it impossible for it to possibly exist in the realm deemed necessary for it to, forcing you in to a trans-dimensional warp, forcing you away from the ditch allowing me to place my lazy boy chair in the center and call it my own... too bad the void walkers left before i could have gotten some coffee... oh well.. KotD now...

http://nmaps.net/user/condog_111 · Postby **Condog** » 2008.10.03 (05:53)

Your logic is flawed. My Impossible Fortress does indeed exist, it just doesn't follow any of the physical laws of our universe. It is totally uncontrolled, able to do anything, everything and nothing, all at the same time, or not at all. It simultaneously exists and does not exist, as old as the universe itself, yet not born yet. Time and space are in a constant state of flux, twisting and melding together to form an incomprehensible and illogical edifice to madness and chaos. You cannot even set eyes on my Fortress with being driven utterly and completely mad, let alone destroy it. You can't destroy that which doesn't obey your laws. It makes it's own laws, then casts them aside in a moment, only to be replaced with somethign even more bizarre and anarchic. You cannot win. You don't exist when the Fortress does.

http://nmaps.net/user/ · Postby **xeronix** » 2008.10.03 (05:57)

Blasted, flawed again... Once again, you've elided me for the time being...

http://nmaps.net/user/exuberance · Postby **Exüberance** » 2008.10.03 (20:26)

I release Schrödinger's cat into your fortess, who simultaneously finds and does not find the fortress which simultaneously exists and does not exist. Schödinger's cat brings me back they key to the fortress which simultaneously does and does not exist. I simultaneously use and do not use the key (wait...) and simultaneously take over castle and do not. But, wait! By observing the fortress, I cause it to either fully exist or fully not exist. Either way, I win (if it doesn't exits, there's nothing there so I claim the hill, if it does exist I hide and assassinate all your guards, bringing my own army in, and claiming the fortress!

http://nmaps.net/user/ · Postby **Zora_S_Kenneth** » 2008.10.04 (02:03)

Wait! Exuberance! You're standing inside of a...

*BLAT*

All well. I would have told him that a wall from the castle both wasn't and was exactly where he was standing, but ah, what the heck.

I use my army of interdimensional physics-ignorant gophers to destroy the fortress. They ignore all the laws of physics and know the same secrets that Condog does. Therefore, neither Condog nor the fortress can do anything about them, and they destroy the fortress through a method that can't be described with the words of this world.

GKotGD

Edit: And they don't pay attention to anyone else's problems or Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy references, therefore they do.

http://nmaps.net/user/condog_111 · Postby **Condog** » 2008.10.04 (03:10)

Exüberance wrote:I release Schrödinger's cat into your fortess, who simultaneously finds and does not find the fortress which simultaneously exists and does not exist. Schödinger's cat brings me back they key to the fortress which simultaneously does and does not exist. I simultaneously use and do not use the key (wait...) and simultaneously take over castle and do not. But, wait! By observing the fortress, I cause it to either fully exist or fully not exist. Either way, I win (if it doesn't exits, there's nothing there so I claim the hill, if it does exist I hide and assassinate all your guards, bringing my own army in, and claiming the fortress!

Once again, flawed logic. Your entire argument is based on the fact that the Impossible Fortress obeys the laws of our universe, which allows Schrödinger's principle to exist. The cat is simple torn apart and flung into the nether regions of the Illogical Planes, where the shards spin and meld, twist and morph, before ultimately being absorbed into the form of the Fortress, to further defend against intruders.

On the other hand, argghh! Interdimensional physics-ignorant gophers! How did you know my one weakness?

http://nmaps.net/user/ · Postby **Zora_S_Kenneth** » 2008.10.04 (14:56)

Simple logic. I needed something that could move and exist through various dimensions and ignore the physics of each, so that they could still get to the castle despite all the physical paradoxes. And since I recalled seeing you shudder the last time I send you a letter saying

"Hey! Did you know I have an army of interdimensional physics-ignorant gophers? I could easily destroy all manner of paradoxes with them!"

which was before you made that castle, I was pretty confident it would work. All I need was to coax them with that bag of Interdimensional Mole Crunchies you happen to carry around with you.
GKotGD

http://nmaps.net/user/exuberance · Postby **Exüberance** » 2008.10.04 (15:55)

I divide by zero, causing a runtime error in the universe. Unfortunately, the universe was only last backed up a few days ago, back when I was king of the- wait.. I won't remember this because it hadn't happened yet! INFINITE LOOP! OH NOES!

http://nmaps.net/user/ · Postby **Zora_S_Kenneth** » 2008.10.05 (00:28)

I multiply the fraction by zero. The zeros cancel out, and we find that Exubie here has put 666 as the number on the numerator. Many people are outraged by this, and promptly sets him up the bomb, breaking his English, and rendering him unable to participate any further until he learns better not to trifle with the gnome king of the gnome ditch. :D

http://nmaps.net/user/exuberance · Postby **Exüberance** » 2008.10.05 (01:26)

Zora_S_Kenneth wrote:I multiply the fraction by zero. The zeros cancel out, and we find that Exubie here has put 666 as the number on the numerator. Many people are outraged by this, and promptly sets him up the bomb, breaking his English, and rendering him unable to participate any further until he learns better not to trifle with the gnome king of the gnome ditch. :D

x/0 = Undefined for all x does not equal zero, x is an element of the complex number system
multiply by 0
0/0 = indeterminant.

That didn't help. Besides, we're already in a time loop.

http://nmaps.net/user/Jiggerjaw · Postby **Jiggerjaw** » 2008.10.08 (19:29)

Jiggerjaw looks off in the distance, disjointed from the happenings surrounding him. He sings, quietly, knowing none will ever hear...

Digging a ditch where madness gives a bit...
Digging a ditch where silence lives...
Digging a ditch for when I’m old...
Digging this ditch my story’s told...

Jiggerjaw sobs, and thrusts his shovel into the dirt. His life, ever stagnant, somehow continues.

http://nmaps.net/user/ · Postby **handofgod** » 2008.10.08 (20:10)

jiggerjaws overly pompous siggy eventually gets the best of him and he tries to prove he can walk on water.
he is eaten by sharks and i take over the ditch in his absense.

http://nmaps.net/user/UniverseZero · Postby **Universezero** » 2008.10.08 (23:44)

I paint all over your eyes so you can't see, and then I push you off a cliff.

King.

http://nmaps.net/user/donfuy · Postby **Donfuy** » 2008.10.09 (13:45)

I call Capt. Falcon.

Show your moves!
Time Slows Down
Falcon Kick!
UniverseZero is thrown out of the Ditch.
UniverseZero regains balance and comes again.
C'mon!
UniverseZero tries to punch him.
Capt. Falcon evades.
Capt. Falcon smiles.
FALCON PUNCH
UniverseZero appears to gain Zero Gravity, flying to the infinite.
Capt. Falcon laughs.

Capt. Falcon gives me the keys of the Ditch.

I lock myself in there.

http://nmaps.net/user/ · Postby **Zora_S_Kenneth** » 2008.10.10 (00:28)

I pick the lock, drag Donfuy out, and throw him into the mud. He turns around, and sees me watching over him with an air of triumph. He lunges at me but with a quick move, I side step him, draw a sword, and sever all his limbs. *Zora_S_Censored* As a final gesture of victory, I snap my fingers and a data bomb rips through Donfuy's loved one. Thus, by killing a major source of hope and joy in life, I claim the rightful Kingship of the Ditch!

http://nmaps.net/user/jackass77 · Postby **jackass** » 2008.10.10 (07:03)

I bury Zora S Kenneth in the ditch then dig a new one and claim it as my own

Metanet Forums

King of the Ditch

Who is online